stuff I don't get

So we're relaunching this here blog. Ain't she purty? I had some inspiration.

A few things I just don't understand:

_ At the Stop & Rob Dunkies I ordered an unsweetened iced tea with lemon.
"Um, we don't have any lemon," the clerk said.
"How could you not have lemon? They're three for $2 down the hall," I replied, trying to sound helpful.
I ordered iced decaf instead. I think she left out the Splenda on purpose. Or maybe they ran out of that, too.

_ Why do political candidates plaster polling places with signs? Here in the Nutmeggiest state, unlike Massachusetts, signs are allowed practically right up to the polling place door. I suppose folks want to show just how doggone much they love their candidate, just in case you're wavering on your decision because you haven't seen enough lawn signs for your candidate of choice. But it smacks of impulse purchase marketing -- the same reason they put candy bars, soda, batteries, tabloids, gift cards and subprime mortgages in the checkout aisle.
I would hope -- *hope* -- that voters don't choose candidates for higher office the way they choose fast food at the drive-up window. "Hmm, who do I want for attorney general? Oooh! Baconator! ... and a diet soda."

_ Why would you put your sign in the exit lane of the access road to the polling place? That was the situation outside North Stepford Falls High School. Just in case maybe you didn't select a nominee for governor, here's a helpful reminder of who you should have voted for. "There's still time .. turn around and vote for Tom Foley!"
Not that I'd vote for Tom Foley under any circumstance whatsoever.

_ Half of our fair state chose the wrasslin' promoter as its nominee to be U.S. senator. To which I offer the following list: Owen Hart, Chris Benoit and his wife and children, Eddie Guerrero, The Ultimate Warrior, Rick Rude, Davey Boy Smith, Curt Henning ("Mr. Perfect"), Miss Elizabeth, Crash Holly, Big Boss Man, Bam Bam Bigelow. Just sayin'.